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I started seeing a grief counselor. She said I was shut down. No kidding. I told her how Irene and I met... here on VR. I told her how I was not ever going to get involved in an online thing. After about the third message Irene sent me, I knew that one flew out the window. There just was something about this woman. I liked chatting with her. She made me laugh. Love at first text? hah Yeah, it was. We traded pictures. We got on skype. Ok, she is real. She sees I am real. Maybe I will do this. She is in Greece. I am in Canada. Ugh. I talked her into playing Second Life and she loved it. We could be together through our avatars and for now, it worked. What we wanted to do in the real world was what we did in Second Life. We grew closer and closer... and we fell in love. I surprised her in our 3rd year and told her, 'I am coming to Greece!'. We made the arrangements, and it was the best week of my life. So much so that I turned it into two weeks. Then I had to go back to work. We did not tell many here on VR that we had done that because we wanted to keep that for us. Plus, we had someone here on VR that for whatever reason tossed some drama at us. The person even had posted that they hope cancer kills Liliancat. We never found out who it was because of course they used a troll account. We did not let it get to us though. However, we did limit what we shared here.
I had plans of course to go back to Greece... then the Pandemic hit.
Then cancer came back. Oh, to back up a bit, she did tell me 2 months in she had cancer. She told me if I just wanted to be friends she would understand. The only fight, an argument we had in the 7 years we were together was when she did not tell me she had a son. Someone else here on VR told me. That almost broke us up. Not that she had a son but that she did not tell me. We had a rocky two months then. Love won out though and I told her she could trust in me and tell me anything and to please, never hide anything from me again. This was the only time in the whole 7 years we had a fight. Sometimes we would even play fight because couples are supposed to. We were not your normal couple.
Can I say she was the best thing that ever happened to me in my whole life? She was. Yelp, so the counselor was right, I can start to unblock by coming here in writing in my journal. She said this place was special because it is where we met. She said there was a place to write about it...in my journal. She said people here will understand and they know us both and some will reach out and help me. Some of you have. So now I sit here crying and I need to stop for a little bit because my vision is all blurred from the tears and I will write again soon and journal the whole story right here and here I will let the pain out. I feel it and it hurts so much... Today this song popped up on Youtube as recommended... I think Irene sent it to me.
New pc finally came. The FEDX driver told me they have 77 drivers out due to covid. I started again on Irene's memorial page. It's a slow go. I decided to take some time off of work. I had a lot of PTO time saved up. Yesterday I felt like going for a drive and ended up at Tybee Island. I spent the day exploring the beach. Took some nice pictures to use for painting references. I did not even mind the cold. I also have decided to go for grief counseling, and I have my first appointment next Tuesday. Not something I am looking forward to. I promised my family I would give it a try. I do not want to do this.
It's supposed to snow here next weekend. I am currently residing on the southeast coast USA. They have not had snow here in years. I do miss the snow at home. My new computer is supposed to come tomorrow. I sure hope so. I really have the desire to work on Irene's memorial. I want to again thank all of you who are reaching out to me. It sure helps a great deal. It's already going on three months. I am still blocking a lot. I start to think back over the 6 years and I will pull a memory out and then quickly put it back. I hope everyone is staying safe and living the best life you can to be happy. Be happy, savory each day, each moment you have. Take time out of your day just for a moment and step outside. Watch a bird or a squirrel or glance up at the sky and enjoy nature just for a moment. Life is so precious. If you have a partner tell them you love them. Do not forget to love yourself. Try to live life with no regrets. Enjoy the good days because when the bad days come you might need those memories. Do not be afraid to live. This is what I wish for everyone.
Amen, to that. Prayers and best regards still come your way, brother.
19:24 Jan 15 2022 Times Read: 522
Ok so let me tell you... this past November my Grandmother passed. I got a call from my Mom to come home. I made it home (to Canada) the day before she passed. She was somewhat alert in that she knew it was me. I am grateful for that. We had her memorial and I flew back after settling some matters that had to be taken care of right away. I was in touch with Irene the whole time. She told me she was fine. I get back and a week later Irene passes. I still have not accepted this yet. I wanted to save everything I could of her, of us... even our skype conversations for the past 6 years. So I am pulling them off to save them and my computer dies during a very bad storm here. I order a new one, a really nice one, $1600 pc. It's been sitting now over a week waiting for FedX to pick it up and deliver it. Now they claim it will come Monday. I am numb as hell right now. I am working on a memorial page for Irene for VR because this is where we meet. I gotta start it over because my pc passed. I had it half completed but... I was not feeling it. I think it's Irene's way to make me deal with her not being here in body to redo it and feel what I am writing this time. Or maybe I am just going crazy.
How does one do this? I do not want to let her go.
Thank you all for the Birthday Wishes. Means a lot. Not really in the mood to celebrate it this year. Today is liliancat's birthday. I am working on a tribute to her, to us. I hope to have it done soon. Maybe a few weeks. It's difficult to do. I have not posted much because I did not want to bring anyone down during the holidays. I have been taking privately to a few here and I want to thank you for letting me do that. I knew this time would come but I guess I pretended it never would. About three weeks before she passed we both stated to each other we were scared. Now that it has it's still surreal. Again, thank you all for the birthday wishes and the support I have been given.
COMMENTS
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LORDMOGY
18:52 Jan 26 2022